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After 4-6 weeks of dating, I’ve been in an exclusive relationship with a man 4 years my junior (I am 36) who has had some significant struggles in his life: he is aware of their impacts and is actively addressing them – most recently leaving a relationship that had activated some of his own issues.
As someone who has overcome my own history of dysfunctional family life and personal strife, I admire his commitment to his own health, and empathize with his journey.
A client sued last year, saying she was raped on a date with a repeat sex offender she had met through the site.
The alleged attacker had at least six prior sex offense convictions.
Now what makes things even harder to navigate is this: you’re really stuck on this guy. Why bail on a promising relationship just because there’s a hint of trouble? And you can’t let fear make your decisions in life. As you’ve identified, there’s a chance he won’t be able to overcome his past, but it seems to me like he has all the best intentions in attempting to do so.
And you’re writing to me to make sense of what seems like contradictory advice, “wait and see,” or “believe the negatives and run.”Honestly, you don’t have to decide today. Which is why I see this situation through a prism of cautious optimism. As I see it, the script of your relationship has yet to be written. One of my favorite quotes is: “The only risk is the one not taken.”I wonder if she would consider staying if she was 10 years younger than she is now.
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Online dating will hopefully get a little safer now, since three major sites have agreed to background checks for prospective dating clients.
Harris, the sites will also up their online safety tools with “rapid abuse reporting systems,” online dating safety education, guidance for fraud prevention and how to safely meet people offline.
(MORE: Five Phrases to Take Off your Online Dating Profile Now) The increased use of online dating sites has also brought an increase in financial scams and even physical abuse.
I know there are other interesting men out there (they are still pursuing me!
), but I am still more interested in seeing what this man has to show. The good: You have the awareness and self-esteem to realize your boyfriend is not the last man on Earth. You need more safety and intimacy, and when you don’t get it, you feel triggered.
In 2011, 40 million Americans used an online dating service and spent more than $1 billion on online dating website memberships.