How to talk to intimidating girls anniversary dating gift man
Her friend, Tina, is a computer programmer with a tattoo and an Ivy League degree.
Both single, they instinctively know not to talk about their jobs with any men who approach them. than he is and, again, he’d likely say yes, as was discovered in a recent study led by psychologist Lora Park at the State University of New York at Buffalo.
When the man’s score was higher than the woman’s, he was more likely to put his seat nearer to her and express romantic interest.
But when his score was lower than hers, the study showed, he was likely to feel less attracted to her, less masculine himself, and less interested in getting her contact information or going on a date with her. Park is quick to clarify that previous research has shown that men are attracted to female intelligence; in fact, it’s one of the strongest predictors of romantic interest.
This time, they had to rate their degree of closeness to their partner beforehand, as well as afterward, which made them reflect on the warmth and affection they felt for each other.
For those who were close to their lovers, the news of that person’s superior test results appeared to actually activate feelings of connectedness and an affirmation of the relationship’s value. “The more the male partner can focus his thoughts on the ‘team’ aspect of the relationship, the better he copes,” says Rebecca Pinkus, a psychologist at Western Sydney University who researches strategies that couples use to overcome divisive comparison.
The task led to a drop in men’s implicit self-esteem, as did news that their girlfriend outscored them on a social-intelligence test.
“It’s more of a gut reaction of negativity, not a thought-out response,” Ratliff explains.
The bottom line, Pinkus stressed, is the perception of a shared fate, an overlapping of identities, a sense of “we.” But how does a brainy woman get from “me” to “we”?
A better strategy than propping up male self-esteem by hiding her own intellect, Park suggests, is finding a man who’s supportive of a prospective mate’s intelligence and ambition from the start.
A woman has more options if she’s willing to override romantic scripts that encourage her to underplay her strengths and make men think they’re smarter than she.
When male volunteers were told that a hypothetical female classmate outscored them on a math or verbal test, the majority said they would prefer her as a romantic partner over a woman with a lower score. But Park and her colleagues—psychologist Paul Eastwick and Ariana Young, a doctoral student—pressed on.
They asked their subjects to take a math test, then manipulated each man’s result to make it higher or lower than that of an actual woman sitting next to him.