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Posted by / 26-Dec-2019 02:19

The idea that sexual liberation is fundamental to female agency dominates progressive media.

True feminists, I believed, not only wanted but also thrived on emotionless, non-committal sexual engagements.

Kelsey reported trying “traditional” hookup culture after a relationship ended, sleeping with various guys as liberated experimentation.

“I had this façade of wanting to hookup with people,” she explained, “but I don’t think that was ever the entire motive …

The winter of my junior year, I asked Ben, a quiet, smart philosophy major with bright blue eyes, to a wine and cheese party. On weekends I’d text him around 10 pm, usually somewhat drunk. He said he didn’t want anything, but keeps asking to hang out.

We’d meet at one of our dorm rooms, debate philosophy and Fleet Foxes lyrics, talk about our families and aspirations, and then have sex until he came. When Ben fell asleep, I’d pretend to doze off as well. And with attachment came shame, anxiety, and emptiness.

And I believed it, too.***I had a puppy-love relationship with my high school boyfriend, the kind you see in movies.We won accolades from our professors, but the men we were sleeping with wouldn’t even eat breakfast with us the next morning.What’s worse, we really thought of the situation in those terms: “We were desperate to know what it felt like to be wanted; desperate for a chance at intimacy.Losing my virginity was a respectful and patient experience.Entering college, I wasn’t scarred or inexperienced. He’d be poetic, invested, understand female sexual anatomy and have the perfect amount of facial scruff.

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The women I interviewed were eager to build connections, intimacy and trust with their sexual partners.