Emotionally abusive men dating
"They'll often think he's the nicest man in the world," says Hennessy.
Much as its title suggests, Hennessy's book Steps To Freedom - a follow-up to the bestselling How He Gets Into Her Head - details how a woman can wrest herself out from under the control of an emotionally abusive partner.
She can only leave when she is instinctively ready and she's gotten rid of his control inside her head.
"I encourage women to turn off their mobile phones if they do find a way to leave - he will never send a message designed to soothe her. Phones are lethal in terms of access to her spirit and mind." One piece of advice that Hennessy offers to women in emotionally abusive relationships runs counter to the usual advice of getting away from a man physically.
"The most important thing you do is not condemn her," says Hennessy. Talking to her about her isn't a good idea; rather, you talk to her about him.
I'd approach it as, 'you're a great girl to be able to cope with a man like that.
Yet for the millions of women in abusive relationships, not much has changed since #Me Too.
Domestic abuse remains a shameful secret in many Irish households and emotional abuse is one of the most complicated forms of abuse.
But we've also realised that controlling behaviour, particularly of men towards women, is far more common than we think."The kind people were the people who were targeted and subsequent to that, there was a process of setting up." Hennessy notes that we need to stop focusing on the women in these relationships or putting the onus on them to react or leave an emotionally abusive relationship. All the other stuff - the jealousy around 'where were you last night', the cutting off from her friends - is just a smokescreen."For as long as I've been doing this work, I've seen that we all look towards the woman - what is she doing wrong? "The biggest red flag sounds simple but it's actually very hard to pin it down," he adds."The initial thing is that they would select the same type of target... These guys are so clever and devious that she has no idea her emotions are being manipulated." The one thing that emotionally abusive men have in common, observes Hennessy, is their sense of "sexual entitlement".the people who were being abused were always kind people, the type of people who would put others before themselves. "Maybe they get it from their surroundings, their peer involvement, their upbringing, but most of them will think 'I will have a partner who will not resist my demands'.
She'll see him as unique - if he gets too drunk or rowdy in public, she'll fully believe he's not the same as all the other men who act like that." Very early on in a relationship, the 'terms and conditions' have been laid down by the men, typically very subtly.