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Start rewarding yourself and your family for achievements and accomplishments, not for destructive choices and habits and behaviors.You may not be able to keep a son or daughter from destroying themselves, but you and the rest of your family don’t have to go with them.Then add in the grandchildren, hostages held for ransom as your child essentially blackmails you into supporting their drug and/or alcohol abuse: “Give me the money or I will kill myself,” or “they will starve,” or “we’ll be on the streets,” is the implied or actual threat, yet the money does no good.As parents you capitulate even as you destroy your own fragile financial security.
For some individuals, major depression can result in severe impairments that interfere with or limit one’s ability to carry out major life activities.
You hand over cash, even though you know it’s useless, often wondering if your child’s problem is something you caused.
You post bail, buy cars, pay rent, doctors’ and attorneys’ fees, and pay for treatment that they rarely see through and that usually doesn’t work even when they do.
You also know that continuing will never benefit your grandchildren. Instead, begin to plan ways to taper off the support in return for demonstrated progress in cleaning up – and be prepared to either take on the grandchildren yourself or allow someone else to. AA itself reports a 95% dropout rate in the first year, and most treatment is based on AA.
Make arrangements or contact Child Protection or both. Second, they can clean up if they are sufficiently motivated and the treatment mode is carefully chosen. Third, it really is okay to save yourself and the rest of your family. Remember that you don’t have to stay stuck in the insanity of the addicted child’s world.
Finally, it’s good to get competent help in this process.